WTF

It has been over a year since I last posted - apologies to my plentiful followers, who live for my every word. Hope you've since found other sustenance.

I decided now is as good a time as ever to post again, because I've just had a splendid time reading through my old musings and relishing in the hilarious memories they drew up.

The truth of the matter is that the workaholic in me has completely taken over, much like the black spidey suit takes over Tobey Maguire in Spiderman 3. Only this demon-spider I call my work ethic is not so alien. It has come to my attention that I hardly know what to do with myself when I'm not working - in fact, I feel accomplished if I am the first one in, the last one out, the best performer. This need to succeed is nothing new - I mean, heck, I've been an overachiever my whole life. But now that I'm officially engulfed in the working world, there's no ignoring the way in which it smothers my social life.

I see my friends maybe once or twice a month - and sometimes it becomes a chore, which makes me feel awful. Like, who haven't I seen recently? Who do I need to see so they don't completely disown me? I get home from work late, so dinners are more or less out of the question. I tend to get home, shower, eat.. something, and then watch some tv til I'm to tired to concentrate anymore. For the past two nights, my dinner has consisted of one bowl of peas, one bowl of cereal, and some marinara sauce. So I'm clearly leading a healthy lifestyle. I really should get back to yoga. Am I happy doing what I'm doing? Yes, I think I am. Am I often/always stressed? Yes. Yes I am. Will I ever find that balance? I have no idea.

I've been with this company for 2 years now. August 28th was my second anniversary (shouldn't they have gotten me silver or paper or something? what's the rule for two years?) Pretty much every boy I've met since I moved to LA has been my co-worker. So yeah, I'm still single. But I really have found my place here. The little stresses like who's going to notice when I arrive or if I take a few extra minutes at lunch have been replaced by larger stresses like, this show is all on me so I hope to god I do not fuck it up. Oh and not to mention, I'm finally getting to do what it is I want to do with my life, and these are the moments in which I'll discover if I am actually good at it.

So all in all, the usual neuroses are present as always but I'm slowly but surely making headway in this little thing they call "life." At moments, it feels like college was yesterday, and then I'll see a picture or remember a story, and it seems like ages ago. I cannot believe I have been an "adult" for 2 and a half years now.

WTF.