Good and Medieval

As some of you may know, I ended up working on my birthday this year, albeit I was working in the Bahamas. And while I spent most of the actual day on planes and in airports, I still had a pretty fun time. In between flights, my coworkers surprised me at the end of an airport meal with a giant slice of delectable chocolate cake. And since they did not have any candles, they twisted the end of a straw wrapper into a point, stuck it in the cake, and lit her up. Needless to say, I had to blow it out pretty fast, (That’s what she said.)

We then met my boss in the Bahamas and he treated us to a hotel dinner complete with birthday surprise number 2. We were the only people in the not-so-good Italian restaurant and he told our waiter it was my birthday. WELL, it was also festival time in the Bahamas (I can’t remember the name, but it’s cheeky sounding) and boy did they put on a show for me! About 5 guys came out with different instruments (drums, horn, hands clapping) and singing Happy Birthday with a Caribbean twang. They paraded around fro about 15 minutes to the point where hotel guests were leaning over the balconies above us to watch. Great fun.

I had planned to go to Medieval Times for my birthday (it was either this or laser tag, which I still intend to do) but had to postpone the festivities due to the aforementioned work trip. It was worth the wait.

I shared the evening of December 2nd with a friend of mine, Rachael, whose birthday it had recently been as well. She brought her boyfriend and my friend Tom, I brought a mixture of work/Harvard/LA friends and we were a fun melting pot of 8. Upon arrival, the previous show was letting out, so I asked some people who had won. Some middle aged lady yelled across the parking lot, “I dunno, I tink it was the Red guy!” Five minutes later, we walked through the arched entrance to the castle and were handed our color assignment, just like in ye olde times. We were Red.

I pouted and told the attendant, “But Red just won! There’s no way they’ll let him win again!” She was a little taken aback and before she could answer, my friend exclaimed, “What sorcery is this??!!” We donned our awesome paper crowns and headed to the bar.

They had a plethora of souvenir mugs and steins to choose from. It was a difficult decision, and I wavered between the shiny gold Knight’s head mug and the giant Pilsner glass, which I eventually landed on. Filled to the brim with a pitcher of Hef, it was heaven in a frosted white glass.

While we waited, and the king and announcer guy made, well, announcements, my friend pointed out a very good looking squire boy, who from here on out shall be referred to as Hot Squire. Red was the last color to be ushered into the stadium, and what a motley crew we were. I, naturally, became the ring leader of the bunch, and spent most of the evening screaming insults to the other knights and yelling at my teammates to get on their feet. The Hef helped me stay creative. Some choice refrains were:
“Green is for asparagus! And Brussels Sprouts!”
“Red and Yellow is a mongrel!”
“Yellow looks like pee!”
“The Green knight has syphilis!”

One of my finest moments. Also, our knight had a shaved head so I continued to cheer for him by yelling “Bruce Willisssss!!!!” And of course, I kept calling out for the hot Squire to return.

And oh the food. Granted, the copious amount of beer I consumed helped, it was delicious. I had been looking forward to it all month. Although, disappointingly, the recipe for the soup has changed. On the upside, I thoroughly enjoyed using my hands. (That’s what said.) Nothing is better than drunkenly picking apart roasted chicken and smothered ribs.

They’ve apparently changed Medieval Times since I last went in NJ (when I was around 12 I think..) because no one won!! There are 6 knights, and the Green one is bad. They go through all the competitions, javelin, rings, etc. Oh and the boring part when the horse dance. (During which I yelled, “This is boring! Get to the fighting!”) Then there were 3 match-ups. The Red knight won his, obvi. But after that they had the Prince come out and battle the Green knight with some cop out story that the Green knight had killed “all our victors.” What the F!??

Oh and speaking on lame-itudes, if anyone ever proposes to me at Medieval Times, I will smack them across the face with the pewter plate-wear.

Anyway, the night ended well (pun INTENDED) and I traipsed out with the crowds. Turns out there is quite the night life (PUN INTENDED) at Medieval Times – the bar was hopping… but the dance floor was not. So I changed that. I moonwalked across the floor and got a few people moving and grooving. At any rate, we were better than the dancing horses. Soon after, the knights and king and prince and princess emerged for pictures. We grabbed one with Bruce Willis, the king, the prince, pretty much everyone. Then I asked around for Hot Squire… and got a pic with him!!! Sigh. The night was finally complete. (PUN INTENDED)